Hi Sexy—Happy New Year!
Camming and other forms of sex work can be discombobulating—it’s so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day ups and downs, distorting our sense of progress, healing, or growth. In order to thrive in sex work, it can be helpful to reflect on our goals and triumphs, offering us clarity, self-knowledge, and resolution.
To start this new year off right, I wanted to write this month about one of the most powerful self-actualization rituals I’ve performed every January for the past 10 years: a writing practice for both looking back over the previous year to acknowledge how far I’ve come, along with a statement of purpose outlining the goals I’d like to meet. It’s a tool called “Honor and Create Your Life” that I obtained from my old friend, Buddhist teacher, life coach, and Trans*/LGBTQA ally trainer, Lev White. (Lev is available for group and one-on-one sessions, in person and online. Learn more about him here.)
The process is simple and only takes about an hour. The “honoring” half of the assignment is chronicling the past year; the “creating” half is writing out your intentions for the year to come. The power of these exercises come from psychological research that shows that the messages we are fed, by ourselves and others, guide our brains, whether we’re conscious of them or not. There is tremendous power in deliberately documenting our histories and imagining our ideal futures.
Start by finding yourself a quiet time and place. As you prefer, you can type your responses or write them out longhand. Allow yourself approximately 30 minutes to answer these questions:
Honoring Your Life
- What were your 3 greatest successes in 2023 that you’d like to celebrate?
- What 3 other successes-breakthroughs-movements in 2023 you would like to affirm?
- What risk did you take this year that you’re proud of?
- Who are the 5 people you are grateful for this year, and why?
- What, if anything, is left to heal or let go of from this year?
- What was your biggest failure(s), disappointment(s) or loss(es) this year? What did you learn?
- What 5 things are you grateful for this year?
- Overall, what’s the title of this chapter in the book of your life?
- What 3 things or lessons do you want to carry into the next year?
Next, take another 20 minutes or so to answer these questions:
Creating Your Life
- What will the chapter title, the theme, or the metaphor for the next 6 months be?
- What are your 3 goals in the major areas of your life for 2022?
- Who will you need to “be” in order to create the year you envision?
- Who are the 3 people will help you along the way? (These can be people who are already in your life, or folks or you need to manifest.)
- What are the 3 risks you must take in the next year in order to live the life you envision?
Once you’re done, you might want to share your responses with someone you trust—a friend, lover, or therapist. Tuck them away and set reminders on your phone to revisit them every few months throughout the year. Then, next January, look them over to see how far you’ve come!
The final exercise is for extra credit, and it’s my favorite part. It entails writing a future letter to a friend, family member or mentor, or to yourself—that’s what I do. Pretend that it’s one year from now, January 2025. Take 10 to 15 minutes to outline all of 2024’s successes. Lean into the celebration of your accomplishments – really let yourself feel what it’s like.
Every year I do this, and every year I get a thrill from opening the past year’s letter to my future self. What amazes me is how often I find that I’ve succeeded in realizing my dreams, and many times surpassed them.
Our brains are like GPSs—we have the power to program the destination of where we want to go, even if the path isn’t yet clear. Somehow, by some magic, with clear, loving intention, our minds can steer us there. As my wise friend Lev puts it: “What we think, we create. How powerful is that?”
Until next time, be sweet to yourself.
-LolaD.
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Lola Davina is a longtime veteran of the sex industry and author of “Thriving in Sex Work: Sex Work and Money,” her follow-up to the formative “Thriving in Sex Work: Heartfelt Advice for Staying Sane in the Sex Industry,” is available wherever books are sold. You can find audio versions located at Audible, iTunes and Awesound.
Contact Lola at Lola.Davina@ynotcam.com and visit her on Twitter at @Lola_Davina.
