Submission is different for every person, just like each person’s cam work is different and unique to what they want to produce. Incorporating submission into cam work can add additional challenges to the existing ones that new cam models often have to face.
If you’re a submissive and starting cam work, follow these tips to keep yourself safe, healthy and comfortable in your room.
Know your boundaries
Lily Allure, who streams on Chaturbate as Daddy’s Flower, is a submissive who has been camming for the past two years. Allure is a firm believer in boundaries and that it’s important to prepare your boundaries and rules before you start camming. For Allure and her dom, it’s important that everyone in her room knows her rules: no one is called Daddy but him, she can only wear outfits that he approves and she can only ever be collared by him.
But beyond those rules, she also had to discover her own boundaries. “Everyone’s hard limits are different,” she said. “Knowing your boundaries is the first step. Be aware of what you are and are not okay with. What might not be okay for me might be okay for the next person.”
Before starting cam work, do your research. You’re going to be asked a lot of things that you may not know exist yet. Be sure you’re prepared so you know if what you’re being asked is something you’re comfortable with.
I was a naughty girl tonight, per Daddy’s request.
Got myself all dolled up in pigtails just so I could suck on his fat cock and a raspberry lollipop. 😋🍭
I love when he treats me, uses me, records me, and praises me for being obedient. pic.twitter.com/KevUIQIyqn
— ❊ ❁ 🌸* l i l y *🌸 ❊ ❁ (@DaddysLily) November 17, 2019
Make sure your rules and boundaries are clear
In Allure’s room, her rules are very clearly shown — so, there’s no excuse for any visitors to make demands that infringe on those rooms. Moreover, she also has a bot in her room that monitors the conversation and warns anyone who is breaking them. Allure issues one warning and, if the rule-breaker continues, they get blocked.
“When clients click on my stream, they are in my space,” she said, “so they will act accordingly or they will not engage with me.”
Your room is an “intimate, vulnerable place.” It’s your right to protect that space.
It’s always okay to say no
For Allure, “no” has become an empowering word. She warns new cammers that, “there will always be the possible cheapskate, rude viewer or incel attempting to put you down for something or rag on your prices. Ignore them. There will always be clients who actually respect you fully, pay your prices, and treat you how you deserve.”
Saying no may seem scary because you’re concerned about income loss, but you should not — and cannot — sacrifice your health or safety for any potential client.
You don’t owe anything to any “dom”
Both online and in real life, some people call themselves “doms” who are not worthy of the title. “There are some people that use ‘dom’ as a guise for abuse and unhealthy behavior,” Allure said.
BuddhaBabe, who has been camming for four years, says that when she started out, she did a lot of things that she wasn’t comfortable with when people asked. “People will take advantage of my submissive nature,” she explained. “I was a pushover. As a result, I did things I might’ve not necessarily been comfortable with just because I didn’t want to say no or be in any way ‘disobedient.'”
A real dom will not ask you to break rules or attempt to push you past your boundaries without your consent. It’s important to recognize that behavior and know that it’s always okay to block them.
from the other night 💙 my hair might actually be growing wowie pic.twitter.com/nhhGGC6O88
— babybuddha (@thebuddhababe) September 25, 2019
Know your worth
You, as a submissive, hold a lot of power. As Allure says, “Without my willingness to submit, there is no dom.” A submissive gives control over to a dom. A dom does not take control, without your enthusiastic consent. That’s true for your clients, too.
“I found my voice and now use being a submissive to my own advantage,” BuddhaBabe said. “There are people who take pleasure in taking care of me, and I am so grateful for them.”
As a submissive, you make the choice to let people into certain parts of your life — and you have the power to revoke that consent at any time.
Protect your finances
Although this is true for all cam models, scams on submissive models are very common. Use verified sites whenever you can to best discourage scammers. Just recently, a client disputed a transaction for work that Allure did do, but she was unable to dispute it because she couldn’t tell her bank that the charge was for sex work.
New cammers are often the target of scams, regardless of if they are submissive or not so all new cam girls should take care to only work on verified sites.
Don’t be afraid to uncover new parts of yourself
Although Allure has mainly been a submissive throughout her life, she now identifies as a switch and she thanks camming for that.
“I was always a brat and some people took it as dominant,” she said. “I decided to try it out, and I had some clients who were interested in one-on-one sessions with me as the dominant one.” Although she still feels like she is more submissive, she is exploring a dominant side in her and she encourages others to not be afraid to explore themselves.
Remember — strive to keep yourself safe, healthy and comfortable online and in life!
JackieMichele is writer and marketer living in the San Francisco Bay Area. Her work has appeared on Yahoo, Food and Wine and the Huffington Post. She’s been an editor, an influencer strategist and ghostwriter, a librarian and a teacher. Follow her Instagram at @jackie_gualtieri and contact her via firstname.lastname@example.org.
Background header image by Suzy Hazelwood via Pexels.