It’s natural to get into this business and want to work with others and form long-lasting bonds.
Be it camming or creating content, you share a common interest with your work peers and — let’s be honest — what you do is rarely understood by those who are not a part of the adult entertainment business. In fact, it’s common to bond over being judged by outsiders and even family. Through shared goals and interests, as well as adversity, you make what you would like to call friends.
But the truth is, most friendships don’t last forever. Ending a close friendship, including ending a close business friendship, is usually sad for the people involved. When the friendship ends over a betrayal involving things like money or work opportunity, however, the initial trigger may also be anger. You may feel hurt and wronged — and furious and reactive.
It’s difficult to negotiate the end of a friendship, especially when they involve your personal and professional worlds. Here are some tips for getting through this phase.
Understand the difference between a reason, season or a lifetime.
We all want to believe that when we meet people that make us feel good, excited about what we do or simply change our lives for the better, that our relationship will last a forever. Unfortunately, people evolve and grow at different paces and directions. Therefore, the outcome very well may be that you split abruptly.
Remember: Some people are brought to you for a reason, others for a season and very few for a lifetime.
Process your feelings before acting on them.
It’s easier said than done, but processing your feelings before acting on them is essential in reacting maturely as well as in a healthy way to what can be a very sensitive time for you.
Remember the good times, and preserve what positive moments you shared with this person. Our first instinct in pain is to replay the negative which ignites anger and often leads to irrational behavior. Refrain from pursuing retaliation or doing something that will get you in trouble or hurt someone else simply because you are hurting as well.
Keep your departure private.
The first thing to remember is that this is your business and keeping your “business” private is essential for maintaining professionalism among your peers.
Social media makes it easy to lash out and share your experience to others, however, it’s the last place the details of your unhappy ending should end up. It’s just messy, plain and simple. No matter how justified you may feel about being treated badly, wronged or betrayed, social media is not the place where this information belongs.
Address the person directly.
If you feel the need to release feelings — and we often do — make sure the person to hear it is the person it involves. Write, speak, text or somehow otherwise express your feelings. Break ups don’t have to be blame matches and verbal assaults. In fact, it can be a learning situation for all involved to simply share how you both feel, accept that it’s time to close the chapter and move on.
Communication is often a missing factor in many failed friendships and relationships. Acknowledge that failure to properly communicate can be just as responsible for a misunderstanding and easily lead to a failed friendship as much as the betrayal of another.
Don’t let feelings drive your vengeance.
It’s easy to drown in self pity, feeling sorry for yourself and letting the anger motivate your actions. Your feelings will often be the cause of irrational revenge that doesn’t make you feel better. In fact, it may make you feel worse for putting time and energy into negativity.
The saying “two wrongs don’t make a right” is very true. Remember that when you are contemplating any type of revenge/redemption for what you think is injustice. This only perpetuates the drama and makes a peaceful departure more difficult than it already is.
Accept responsibility for your own mistakes, choices and actions.
Speaking of sayings, here’s another: It takes two to tango.
In most situations, we made a choice or decision that lead to consequences that changed the dynamic. You may not be to blame for the outcome, but accepting that your choices are just as responsible for how things turn out as much as the person who may have lied or betrayed you helps you make better choices going forward. It’s healthy to accept the amount of control you have and use that as a learning tool for future engagements.
Don’t ask mutual friends to choose a side.
When you share other peers in common with someone whom you are now separating from, those people often get dragged into the situation involuntarily. It’s a very difficult situation to navigate as an “impartial mutual” when two people you’ve been friends with are no longer friends and the situation is tumultuous. Mutual friends can be hurt when they are expected to pick a side.
It’s unfair and childish to expect others to have to choose who they are to remain friends with and who they have to break up with in accordance to with what’s going on in your life.
Face your demons and move on.
Don’t dwell on the past. Deal with the situation, give it closure and move onto something productive and positive. You can’t change what has happened, and in most cases the best option is to simply move on. This means not talking about it all the time and just removing the person from your space both mentally as well as physically.
A piece of classic advice: Write down what you need to get off your chest and burn the paper if that helps you resolve your feelings, then close the chapter.
Be it romantic, personal, workplace or peer, breakups are never easy. Acknowledging things are challenging and then taking mature steps to work through your discomfort will help you to move on — and even grow!
You can’t avoid conflict, misunderstandings, betrayal or being taken advantage of as these are things that just happen in life. What you can control though is how you react. There is a saying, “What people do to you is their karma. How you react is yours.”
It’s not easy to say goodbye and it often comes with great pain, but in a lot of cases it’s for the best.
— 👑QueenofBBW.com👑🐼 #QUEENOFBBW #PLATINUMPUZZY (@PlatinumPuzzy1) September 8, 2019
Kari “Platinum Puzzy” Anthony is an events trailblazer in the adult industry community. She created and organized BBWFANFEST, the first BBW niche trade and awards show recognizing plus size performers, and BBWCAMHOUSE — the first live 24-hour voyeur house filled with curvy adult stars, cam performers, dancers and more. Email her at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Background header image by Dennis Magati from Pexels.