The podcast and Kane herself have been though a lot since the show first began last year, including a complex and painful separation from the program’s co-founder and co-host.
In Part 2 of our interview, Kane generously shares her insights regarding the dissolution of a peer-business collaboration. The point here is not to gossip, or even rehash. Rather, it’s to reflect on what it means to enter into a business relationship with a friend and/or work peer. What happens when something that seems so perfect and brilliant today goes south tomorrow? What are the risks, and what should you think about going in?
Kane’s circumstances with SexWorkBB are certainly unique, but she shares what she’s learned to help provide others with some perspective that may be useful — if for no other reason than for something to think about. Enjoy!
YNOT Cam: Sex Work BBstarted out in 2017 with you and a collaborative partner, but now it’s a solo effort. From your standpoint, can you tell us what happened?
Kyra Kane:This is a crazy loaded question. It’s rough because I’m not sure I fully understand what happened…
From my point of view, I was making a podcast baby with another cam model. We really worked to make this a baby that would do big things and help people understand sex workers and try and defy the stigma that we are plagued with — but there were little tells that it was bound to happen.
The communication was very difficult and frustrating sometimes but running a business with someone across the United States doesn’t leave a lot of room to “make” someone be available. It seemed the Sex Work BB podcast was getting some recognition and praise. We were invited to Montreal from ManyVids, and we planned a trip to Exxxotica NJ. In the end, after lots of planning, I was the only host that went to either. I was unsure whether it would just be me at this year’s past AEE [Adult Entertainment Expo], but it was both of us. We both were there, both fighting for our podcast, trying to make the Expo an opportunity to be proud of, and leaving Las Vegas… seemed fine?
Looking back, there were little signs of awkwardness. The goodbye was non-existent. It was just weird. I blew it off, no big deal. We just had a promotional trip of a lifetime, but after three days, I was alone. It seems that sex work isn’t for everyone, and people can be easily influenced by others. She said she was done — with the podcast, with sex work, with it all. Then she was gone, and my heart was broken.
Monday, episodes 1-30ish will be unable to be downloaded or listened to. I am reformatting them, I’m gunna make like a “Top Takeaways from archived episode “so and so” “
I don’t want to lose all the resources, tips and help we have gotten. I’m sorry for this minor inconvenience. pic.twitter.com/NlX9edsDLJ
— The SexWorkBB Podcast (@TheSexWorkBBPod) March 11, 2018
This sound like it was very emotionally taxing…
My heart is still broken. I didn’t just have to learn to fend for myself and take over the other half of the duties that are involved [with the podcast] — I also lost my best friend, the person I talked to 24 hours a day, for over a year.
Looking back, there were so many times I could have predicted this. I just was in a happy fog of friendship and companionship. The whole issue was an ordeal to end, not just it an easy “Okay, bye.” It was a lot of communication and a lot of looking into legal rights. I am still figuring out how to get my feet on the ground, and I know I can do this. All things take time.
It’s not unusual for peers to hang out with and work with peers (lawyers often hang out with other lawyers, etc). For a person who started a collaborative effort with a peer, only to have it come apart, what advice would you offer to others?
I don’t want anyone to ever feel like they shouldn’t do something within work just because it may not have the outcome you want. The advice I have is always have Plan B on the backburner, and ensure you have covered your ass. Look into an attorney or appropriate documentation to give all parties equal rights.
Even if they are your “best friend,” fuck that. Money is money, and business is business. Your whole life — your/their bank account — will be thicker then any friendship ever. Sorry, this isn’t anything new. So, if you can’t handle that, avoid partnerships with people you aren’t willing to let go if things go sour.
So…like it’s my birthday?! pic.twitter.com/Z7JOVKQbb5
— The SexWorkBB Podcast (@TheSexWorkBBPod) April 3, 2018
What are good steps to move forward after a peer-business breakup?
I think every business is totally different, but it depends on how broad or open your company is. The podcast is fueled by social media. I think letting people know what is going on, in a tactful way, is the right thing to do. You can’t just show up with a whole new… everything [without some sort of acknowledgment].
I could have stopped, but I didn’t want to. I still don’t want that, and the work load is crazy. I fail sometimes, but I keep going. You can’t worry about things you can’t change. Slow and steady wins the race, cross that bridge when you come to it – yada, yada,
Moving forward will constantly push you to be better or break down. Choose to be better, every fucking time.
In a world were hindsight is *so perfect* (jk), if you would have known then what you know now, what would you have done differently?
Hired a lawyer. Gone out of my way to push that my voice was the voice of the podcast. Tried to make ME the fixture that makes it happen,
I hate that this even is something to talk about. I have lost four different HUGE projects with HUGGGEE companies because it’s just me now. It changed the whole format of the podcast. I will have chances to build this podcast back up, with myself — a partner I know doesn’t want to abandon this resource.
Check out Part 1 of our interview with Kyra Kane – “Sex Work BB, Today”
— The SexWorkBB Podcast (@TheSexWorkBBPod) April 24, 2018
Erika is a sex positive people watcher (and writer). Email her at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Editor’s note: We attempted to find contact information for SexWorkBB’s former co-host, but were unsuccessful. If you are said former co-host and would like to weigh in regarding this piece, please contact email@example.com.